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Babies generally don’t need nighttime feedings by the middle of their first year
(as early as two to three months for some bottle-fed babies). Check with your
baby’s doctor if you’re not sure of your baby’s needs. Some breast-feeding mothers
prefer to nurse on demand at night. If you don’t, you can gradually reduce
the number of minutes at each night feeding until you’re down to two minutes.
Then stop the feedings, offering a back rub and soft words instead. (Once feedings stop, let Dad do all the middle-of-the-night comforting, at least for a while,
because the baby expects milk from Mom.) If the baby has been taking a bottle
at night, you can gradually reduce the amount of formula or gradually water it
down until your baby is getting a bottle of plain water. Most babies find that it’s
not worth waking up just for water. (A reminder: You should not water down
formula except as a temporary measure to stop a nighttime feeding that your baby
no longer needs. Your baby should still be getting regular full-strength formula
at all other feedings.)
As a rule of thumb, if a baby is two to three months old, is eating well during
the day, and weighs at least 12 pounds, she no longer needs nighttime feedings for
nutrition. But if your baby is younger than four months, don’t begin this nighttime
weaning without first talking to your baby’s doctor.
Hold the Cereal
Parents sometimes are told—often by older relatives—that adding cereal to a bottle
of formula or breast milk will help their baby sleep through the night. Studies
have not found this to be true. So if cereal “worked” for your mother or your
friend, chances are it was a coincidence. Most likely the baby happened to mature
enough to sleep through the night around the same time that the parents decided
to try solids. Doctors generally advise against adding solids to a bottle for several
reasons:
• Sucking this thickened mixture out of a bottle can be difficult and cause
babies to swallow more air.
• If an infant does eat cereal with ease, the baby may take in more calories than
needed and gain too much weight.
• Breast milk and formula are nutritionally superior to cereal, so you wouldn’t
want either of them to be replaced by cereal.
• Feeding anything other than breast milk or formula to an infant who is
younger than four months may increase the likelihood of the child developing
allergies.
If your baby is four to six months old and you suspect she is not getting enough
calories from liquid feedings, you can try feeding her some rice cereal with a
spoon, not a bottle But don’t expect
cereal to change her sleeping pattern.
Helping Your Baby Go Back to Sleep
Everyone—both children and adults—wakes in the night even if they don’t
remember it later. You can reduce the number of times your child wakes, however,
by making sure that he’s comfortable—not too hot or cold, not subjected to bright
lights or loud sudden noises, not sick or in pain, not wet or hungry.
But even if nothing is wrong, babies and young children will wake. Many will
go back to sleep on their own without any help. For the rest, you must decide
whether to keep responding to every cry or help the baby learn to go back to sleep
on his own once he is about six months or older. This can involve some crying,
but it usually doesn’t take long for a baby to learn that he doesn’t need your help
to fall asleep.
Starting around six months, most babies can learn to calm themselves and go
back to sleep when they wake in the middle of the night. You can help if you try
the following:
• From an early age, put your baby down to sleep when she is awake, at least
some of the time, so she can learn to go to sleep on her own and to associate
her crib or bed with going to sleep. Then if she wakes in the night, she may
be more likely to go back to sleep on her own. If you always nurse her to
sleep, she is likely to need nursing to fall back to sleep in the middle of the
night, even when she no longer needs night feedings for nutrition.
• After your good-night ritual, give your baby one last pat or kiss and leave the
room. If your baby cries—or if she awakens and cries during the night—give
her a few minutes to settle down on her own and go to sleep. You might want
to start with two or three minutes. If she’s still crying, check to make sure
there’s no problem. If she seems sick, of course, pick her up and comfort her.
If it’s the middle of the night and she’s soaking wet, change her with as little
ado as possible, preferably without taking her from the crib. If she’s dry, comfort
her without picking her up (talk softly, rub her back), then leave. Keep
the lights low and your contact warm but brief. Don’t play with her or make
your visit so entertaining that she’ll hanker for more. If she continues to cry,
wait a little longer than before, then repeat the short cribside visit. Keep doing
this, lengthening the time you wait to respond up to 10 minutes, until she
stops crying. Each time you go in, try to do less. Time yourself with a clock
because 5 minutes can seem like an eternity when a baby is crying. After several
days, your baby should find it easier to get back to sleep on her own.
• If you’re dealing with a toddler or preschooler who is fearful at night, try this:
First, sit by your child’s bed for a couple of nights until she falls asleep (or back to sleep). Then gradually sit farther and farther away each night until you are
out the door. For a few nights, sit outside her room until she is asleep. If she
calls, you can stick your head in the door and reassure her verbally. Depending
on how fearful your child is, this process may take anywhere from a couple
of days to a few weeks.
The alternative to teaching your child how to fall asleep by himself is to continue
nursing, rocking, walking, or sitting by his side until he falls asleep. Although
this may sound like a more warm, nurturing response, it can be counterproductive
if you get so sleep-deprived and resentful that you’re irritable and exhausted
during the day. Besides, many doctors think that learning to calm himself can be
a step in a child’s long path to independence, fostering a sense of competence and
self-confidence. As long as it occurs in the context of a close, loving relationship,
it is worlds away from being abandoned, and there is no evidence that it causes
emotional damage.
Either approach—responding to every cry or letting a child learn to soothe
himself—is better than random inconsistency. If you usually respond to your
child’s calls but don’t on some nights because you just feel too tired or resentful,
or usually don’t respond but occasionally give in, your child’s world may seem
capricious and untrustworthy. Pick a plan and stick to it.
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