All infants cry in the first few weeks. The first cry in the delivery room fills the newborn’s lungs with air and expels any fluid. Babies cry because they are tired, hungry, bored, wet, uncomfortable, or for no apparent reason at all. After a while, you will be able to tell one kind of cry from another. If your baby cries, it usually doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. But don’t hesitate to pick up a crier; when a parent responds quickly to a baby’s cry in the first few weeks of life, the newborn feels nurtured and reassured.

By two to three weeks of age, infants typically start to develop a type of fussy crying. Most babies have a fussy spell between 6:00 and 10:00 P.M. (just when you are apt to feel most frazzled), and sometimes it worsens as the evening goes on. You may try all kinds of things to stop the crying: feeding, walking, rocking, putting him in the swing or infant seat, singing, taking him for a ride, and so on. And you’ll find that sometimes these work for a short while or don’t work at all. But be assured that the fussy spell will end, and when it does, your baby probably will have his best feeding of the day and then go off to sleep for his longest sleep of the day. Twenty-five years ago, Dr. T. Berry Brazelton studied crying patterns in newborns and found that the typical newborn cries about two and one-quarter hours a day for the first seven weeks of life. The crying reaches a peak at six weeks of life, approaching three hours a day. Of course, all babies are individuals, so your baby may cry much less (or even more).

Sometimes when babies cry, parents worry they have colic, but a fussy spell does not equal colic. Colic is usually defined as inconsolable, continual crying that lasts three or more hours a day for weeks. The baby may seem to be in pain, flailing and screaming, with tense legs drawn up to his belly. The crying is not due to hunger, a wet diaper, or other visible causes, and the child cannot be calmed down. This condition—which can be extremely difficult on parents—occurs in perhaps 10 percent of babies and goes away on its own, usually by three months.

When trying to determine if your baby has colic, the first thing to do is rule out illness as the cause for the crying. Colicky babies have a healthy sucking reflex and a good appetite. Usually, babies who are ill won’t have the same strong sucking reflex, and they’ll drink less milk. Colicky babies usually like to be cuddled and handled. Ill babies may not like to be handled despite their fussiness. Colicky babies may spit up from time to time, but if your baby is actually vomiting or otherwise seems sick, you should call your child’s doctor. Even if your baby doesn’t have symptoms of illness,check with the doctor about excessive crying, just to be sure there is no medical cause.

The cause of colic is unknown—it may be a mix of things or different things in different babies. Contrary to popular belief, doctors believe that colic is rarely, if ever, caused by a milk allergy or reactions to other food. Still, if you’re breastfeeding and think you notice some relation between what you eat and your baby’s colic, you could try dropping the suspect foods from your diet to see if it helps. If your baby is on formula, you could consult with her doctor about trying a different kind.Doctors also think that gas is rarely the cause of colic. They suggest that more often than not, a colicky baby who has gas swallowed too much air during his crying spells. (In other words, the crying caused the gas, rather than the other way around.) As a result, antigas medication has not proved to be very effective in treating colic.

Many doctors think that colic may be caused by differences in the way babies’ nervous systems develop. In other words, some babies just take a little longer to get adjusted to the world. This is normal and is not cause for worry—even if the noise drives you to distraction. The colic will go away—just keep repeating those words to keep yourself calm! Meanwhile, during those crying spells, try to comfort your baby. Try feeding, walking, rocking, putting him in the swing or infant seat, singing, placing him across your lap on his belly, and rubbing his back. Some parents find that carrying their baby next to their stomach in a baby sling helps. Putting him in a car and going for a ride also can work.

Dealing with a fussy baby can be the most exhausting part of early parenting. It can leave a parent or other caregiver feeling helpless and like a failure, or frustrated and enraged, possibly even setting the stage for child abuse. If there’s no help at hand and you feel at the end of your rope, it’s better to put the crying baby in a safe place and leave the room, rather than risk shaking or hitting the baby.

But it’s best to get some relief before the crying pushes you to the edge. If a spouse can’t help, ask a relative to help you, or hire someone for a few hours a day and get out of the house. Join a mothering center or parenting group; often, the support of other parents—or honest discussion and sympathy between you and your partner—is all you need to get through these tough weeks. Try to take advantage of those times when your baby is asleep and rest yourself.